Topic: Post some of your Jokes here! (Read 3335 times)

jenny · « **on:** April 03, 2008, 09:45:45 AM »

Mercedes Blonds
There were these 2 blonds standing outside in a parking lot next to there Mercedes vehicle.They were locked out so they were trying to get the door open with a close hanger. The 1st blond said," You need to try harder. It's starting to rain and the top is down!"

I Think...
In a bathroom in New York somewhere, if you tell a lie you disappear. A Brunette walks into the bathroom. "I am the Hottest girl in New York!" POOF she disappeared. A red headed girl walks into the bathroom. "I am the smartest girl in New York!!" POOF she disappeared. A blond walks in the bathroom. "I Think..." POOF she disappears.

How do you know when a blonds been in your refrigerator?
When there's lip stick on the cucumbers.

Two Blonds
Two blonds are waiting at a bus stop.

When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blonds leans inside and asks the bus driver:'

'Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?'' The bus driver shakes his head and says,'

'No, I'm sorry.'

' At this the other blond leans inside, smiles, and twitters: '

'Will it take ME ?

3 nuns
there were 3 nuns in the church 2 were crying 1 was laughing, the priest walked up to a crying 1 and said 'why are u crying' the nun said i killed someone,the priest said go drink from the holy water, so he went up 2 the 2nd crying nun and said why are u crying she said' i stole a car' and he told her to drink from the holy water too, then went up to the laughing nun and said why are u laughing she said' i peed in the holy water'

how to annoy a archaeologist
How do you annoy an archaeologist?
give him a tampon and ask what period it came from.

Big Bad Wolf
One night at a club little red riding hood and the big bad wolf were getting their groove on. After hours of dancing and leading each other on, they went back to his place. He asked her "come on please just let me stick it in." Little Red Riding hood replied 'Stick to to the story mother f**ker, EAT ME!

Professions
Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.

The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."

The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."

The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."

They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "

She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know...
Wash, Iron, F****, Etc."

What does F**K Mean?
their was this kid that always got picked on at school. everyday his friends and kids that whent to school always said to him f**k you.well the dumb kid always was curious about what
the word f**k means. one day he got real
sad and wanted to know what it meant,so he ran home and rushed in the house screaming out for his father. he yelled
"pah"and then his pa came out and asked what hell you want boy? the boy said "pah" what does f**k mean. and then his pah said son i think its time you knew what f**k mean. pah then yelled out "mah" get down here son want sto know what f**k mean. mah comes down stairs pah says mah take off your clothes and get in your position.he turns to his son and said son you see that pink spot on mah."uh huh"watch your pah go to work. then the boys sister came in the door and says what are they doin? the boy turns his head
and with a smile he says they f**king.
sister says what does f**k mean.

WELL YOU SEE THAT BROWN SPOT ON PAH"uh huh" WATCH YOUR BROTHER GO TO WORK.

* Porsche_maniak * · « **Reply #1 on:** July 06, 2008, 01:04:40 AM »

Two blond girls come into a police station for some reasons. They were observing some photos of people on the wall when one stopped a police officer and asked: "excuse me, who are those people in the photos?". The officer immediately replied: "of course they're criminals wanted by the police!". Again the girl: "Ohh you're so stupid, officers! Couldn't you arrested them when they come to take a picture?"

jenny · « **Reply #2 on:** February 11, 2009, 09:13:09 AM »

Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery

* Oops!
* Has anyone seen my watch?
* That was some party last night. I can't remember when I've been that drunk.
* Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
* Well this book doesn't say that... What edition is your manual?
* OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
* Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
* Come back with that! Bad Dog!
* Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
* Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
* If I can just remember how they did this on ER last week.
* Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
* Damn, there go the lights again...
* Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.
* Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
* Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.
* I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
* Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
* Steril, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right?
* What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!
* What do you mean, he's not insured?
* This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
* Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
* Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
* What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
* I don't know what it is, but hurry up and pack it in ice.
* Let's hurry, I don't want to miss "Bay Watch"
* That laughing gas stuff is pretty cool. Can I have some more of that?
* Hey Charlie, unzip the bag on that one, he's still moving.
* Did the doctor know he would look like that afterwards?
* Of course I've performed this operation before, Nurse!
* FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

New ATM Procedures

A local bank is very pleased to announce that they are installing
new Drive-thru ATMs where their customers will be able withdraw cash withoutleaving their vehicle.
Male and Female procedures have been
tailored to best reflect the behaviours of those particular groupings.

PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS:

1. Drive up to the ATM
2. Open the car window
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4. Enter amount of cash required and press "enter"
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6. Close window
7. Drive away

PROCEDURE FOR FEMALE CUSTOMERS:

1. Drive up to the ATM
2. Reverse back the required distance to align car with ATM
3. Re-start stalled engine
4. Open the car window
5. Find handbag, empty all contents onto the passenger seat and locate card
6. Turn radio down & end call on cell phone
7. Attempt to insert card into ATM
8. Open car door to allow easier access to ATM due to excessive distance from car to ATM
9. Insert card
10. Re-insert card the right way up
11. Ignore the sound of car horn from vehicle behind
12. Search contents of handbag (on passenger seat) to locate diary with PIN written on the inside back page under "Date of Birth"
13. Enter PIN
14. Press "cancel" and re-enter PIN
15. Enter amount of cash required and check make-up in rear view mirror
16. Drum fingertips on steering wheel, look at ATM for one minute and
then press "enter"
17. Retrieve cash and receipt
18. Search contents of handbag (on passenger seat) to locate purse and place cash inside
19. Place receipt in back of cheque book
20. Re-check make-up
21. Drive forward two metres
22. Reverse back to ATM ignoring the sound of car horn from vehicle behind
23. Retrieve card
24. Search contents of handbag (on passenger seat) to locate card holder
and place card in an empty slot
25. Drive two or three kilometres Release hand brake

mjay0918 · « **Reply #3 on:** April 22, 2009, 07:45:25 PM »

well its take on me..what a joke..a one that can makes happy to read it .i have no joke but i like a joke story..

_________________
Refrigerator Water Filter

Rocky420 · « **Reply #4 on:** September 15, 2009, 10:50:49 PM »

lol

OK you asked fer it.

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor
had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her.

She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was
experiencing.

"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped,
but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started
growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before."

The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly
normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hairbellevue printers

appeared?"

"On my balls."
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Author Topic: Post some of your Jokes here! (Read 3335 times)

jenny

Post some of your Jokes here!

* Porsche_maniak *

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jenny

Re: Post some of your Jokes here!

mjay0918

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Rocky420

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